The Examination
by WillowMina
Summary: Part of The Memoirs of Inara Serra. Inara recounts her memories of her first sexual experience. Set after Serenity, so contains spoilers


I look up from the calligraphy I'm brushing when I hear the knock on the door of my shuttle, smiling as Kaylee walks in.

"Hey, stranger. Not with Simon?"

She sighs as she sits down on the floor. "No... The Cap'n jus' got back with Zoe 'n' Jayne... and it's U-day so's the Cap'n managed to find an Alliance bar where he could start a fight. Simon's just patching him up now... so I figured I'd best get out the way, 'fore I get told to be nurse."

I roll my eyes. Sometimes it seems that Mal lives for fighting. He returns from almost every job with some sort of injury. "Well, you know what Mal can be like when the subject turns to the War, Kaylee. I have to say that it's one of his biggest foibles, that he's still so touchy about the conflict, even though it ended nearly nine years ago."

"I guess." she shrugs, before starting to dig the dirt out from underneath her fingernails. I can tell she want's to talk about something. She takes a deep breath before speaking. "Ummmm... Inara. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Mei-mei." I smile at her. "I can't guarantee that I'll be able to answer though."

"I know... It's just... well... Is it always different... sex I mean... when it's someone you love?" She stutters the question out. But there's no way that she could know that it's a question that I'm going to find hard to answer.

I take a deep breath. "I'm honestly not sure. I feel an affinity with all my clients. I wouldn't choose them if I didn't. But I don't think I've ever had intercourse with someone that I've loved."

Her face falls. It's understandable really. She's so naive in some things, serious relationships being one of them. And I suppose I'm the only person that she feels she can talk to about her blossoming love with Dr Tam. Zoe probably has more insight into a relationship of this kind, but I don't think even Mal has dared to talk to her about Wash since he died.

I decide to take pity on her. It's part of being a Companion to never reveal any details about any of her Client's. But as he wasn't strictly a Client...

"Kaylee, I'll tell you about the first time I had intercourse with a man. But you must promise me never to speak of it with anyone?"

"'Kay."

"Obviously, the Guild has high standards to maintain, and so every girl leaving the academy has to undergo a whole host of examinations, in every subject she's studied, before she is allowed to register as a Companion.

"What, like the examination on Ariel a year or so ago?" Kaylee asks.

"Not quite, these examinations are to check that a young woman has attained a certain level of skill in each of the discipline's, after which she is accorded all the privileges of a Companion, But one examination is deemed more important that the rest of them put together."

Kaylee's eyes widened. "You mean… your first time…?"

I nod, resignedly. "Yes. My first experience of sexual intercourse was with a man I'd never met before, and he was certainly not the type of man I would choose as a Client. That's why I feel able to tell this to you, because in all truth he _wasn'_ a Client."

I pause for a moment, gathering my thoughts. All the while watching Kaylee taking the revelation in. It's not something that's was widely known. A Registered Companion _always _chooses her own Client's, all except the first one.

"He was an older man. They usually are, I'm told. And I suppose it makes sense. A young man would probably have less experience than the prospective Companion. But I couldn't show nervousness. It's part of the whole image of a Companion. They're always in complete control of their emotions."

I give a little sigh. "I was more nervous than I'd ever been before, but luckily my training came through and I was able to hide it." I look down, a little ashamed. "But I couldn't hide the tears."

"Tears?" Her eyes light up with concern. But Kaylee never likes seeing anyone in pain.

I nod. "It was the first time I had been penetrated by anything. The doctors at the Academy are very careful not to break the hymen prior to the examination. It's supposed to make the experience more intense for us."

"And does it?" I can't help but smile at her innocence. Do all girls who aren't destined to be Companions have this charming naivete?

"No, it just hurts a lot more!" I smile at her. "But all the other times I've had intercourse, it's been different. Nicer in a way. As I said, I've never loved a client, but because I choose my Client's carefully, I do feel I have an affinity with them. I suppose that makes a difference. So. Yes, I imagine it would be different with someone you love."

The smile on her face widens. "Thanks Inara... I was just wondering." She looks down, it's odd how someone so bubbly goes so shy at times. "It has felt different. I guess I just wanted reassuring that it does feel different when you care about..."

"_Kaylee!" _Mal's voice interrupts her sentence, and she scampers to her feet.

"Sorry, Inara... I'm going to have to go. The Cap'n won't be happy if he finds out I've been talkin' stead of gettin' ready for take off."

"_Kaylee... why the hell ain't you in the Engine Room... I know you ain't been with the doctor... so get yourself out here 'fore I..."_

"Comin' Cap'n!" The smile on her face in genuine as she leaves my shuttle, and I tidy away the calligraphy. Somehow I can't bring myself to finish the poem. I'm not sure I should. After all, what does a Companion know of Love?


End file.
